murielle

(Hikikomori Japanese: pulling inward, being confined, also known as total withdrawal from society by seeking extreme degrees of social isolation and confinement.)

UNDERGROUND YOUR DREAMS TAKE ROOT

The basement called to you. It began as a notion then grew into a passion and finally, when you were fourteen, your parents relented and allowed you to move into the basement. There were no actual rooms down there so you staked out your territory by hanging old rugs from the rafters on three sides creating a long rectangle graced by two tiny windows that let just enough light in, after being scoured inside and out, to read by during the day without turning on a light. That had been important to your parents. They didn’t want their electricity bill skyrocketing because their middle child was a mole.

Part of the deal was that you were responsible not just for keeping “your room” clean and tidy but the whole basement and you went over and above to comply, even taking on laundry duty for the entire household. On your part, it was pure strategy, if you did the laundry you controlled when the machines were on and when they were not.

Your sister, Sarah, was happy about the change because now each of you had your own room and although there was some griping about the size of the basement room compared to hers, she was delighted by having her own space. Your parents were relieved when the war between you ended. Brother Bill, who’d always had his own room was largely disinterested.

Your room, soon styled “the hovel” was your pride and joy. Furnished with thrift store finds and hand-me-downs from everyone whom you could wheedle them. You painted and polished and decorated until it was a cozy inviting space and everything you ever wanted.

There beneath the hustle and bustle of your family you dreamed your dreams and read your books and wrote your “little stories.”

Entering Sophomore year you were given your own, albeit well used, personal computer with the understanding that your father would have access to it at any time he chose and that you’d have at least one meal per day upstairs with the family. Everyone agreed that was fair.

For graduation you got a bathroom and walls.

Throughout your college career you lived downstairs happily. Quiet time for studying was achieved with a set of headphones and while your mother worried that you spent “far too much time alone down there” you parents were proud of your accomplishments and the fact that while your siblings couldn’t wait to move out, you, their middle child was content to live quietly, peacefully in the basement.

You opted to do your post-grad studies abroad and were gone for the duration. You were happy in your work, but as your parents aged and had some health challenges you suggested investing with them in building an actual apartment in the basement that you could rent from them and be on site if needed. Everyone was happy with the new arrangement. Especially the siblings who didn’t want the responsibility of caring for elderly parents. And your parents liked the idea of an additional income after their retirement.

If you had a personal life it was so personal no one was aware of it, and while your mother griped from time to time about grandchildren she enjoyed the fact that you were available to her, especially after your father’s heart attack.

A lock-down during a pandemic meant you worked from home and that suited you just fine. You worked online, your shopped online, and your entertainment was online. While the rest of the world seemed to go slightly bonkers, you just quietly moved through your life without any fuss or bother. The truth is you loved your life, your isolation. And when it was time to move back into society you opted to stay where you were, working from your basement apartment, assisting your parents and doing your own thing.

“Failure to launch,” Brother Bill pronounced impressed with his armchair psychology.

“Sweet but strange,” your sister, Sarah, said, but expressed concern about what you’d do when they sold the house.

You worried a bit yourself about the latter. What would you do?

But it didn’t come up. Bill got stocks and bonds and your sister got several valuable collections. And you got the house. You upgraded and remolded and turned the upstairs into an exclusive B&B, renting only to friends and colleagues who valued peace and quiet as much as you, and it thrived.

You thrived.

Your work was published, you traveled for lectures, enjoying the calm steady tides of your life and career. You wanted for nothing, you needed nothing. Everything you wanted you had. Especially peace.

(John 14:27)